I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
