I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
