peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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