Im at strip club and am horny
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
