I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
