This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
