If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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