My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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