Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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