I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
