I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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