I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
