Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
