your parents love me but you hate me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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