haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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