I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
