We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
