If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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