In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
