My room smells like vodka and shame
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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