i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
