I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
