Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
