she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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