there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize