I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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