thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
