he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
