Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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