I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
