How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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