I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
