Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
