New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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