Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
