You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
