It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
