Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
