Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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