I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
