she was so not down for the gang bang
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
