my room smells like sperm. sweet.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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