On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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