This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
