So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize