Already got asked if we're dating
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
