Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Are we in a gay sports bar?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
