She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
