So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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