She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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