if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
