Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
