were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
