I don't think brook has ever known best
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
