im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
