i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
