If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
