He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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