so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
