YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
