You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
