I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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