i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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