cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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