dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize