my being single is dangerous.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
