totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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