My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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