I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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