so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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