were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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