There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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