I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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