no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
