you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
